Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
