i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
