hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize