I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize