my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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