I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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