My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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