Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
