I'm lost and stupid without you.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
