Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
