I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
