he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
