I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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