I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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