her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize