so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
