Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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