There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize