what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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