It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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