I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
