So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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