Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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