My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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