I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
