You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
