I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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