No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
