I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
