wat bout pragnant strippers??
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
