Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
