There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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