..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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