No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
