Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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