Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
