Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize