Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize