Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
