What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
