I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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