As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
