there's paper in my vomit.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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