Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Holy shit dude........stairs
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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