Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
