I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
