Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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