It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
