ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
