There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dicks are not precious.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
