I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
