I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize