i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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