I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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