so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Everything about him screamed your future.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
