Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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