that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
