My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
