Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
