I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
