do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
