If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
