Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
