I wish I only lived at night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
