He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
