that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
