gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
