i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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