North Korea, Best Korea!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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