why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
