even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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