My cat gives me a boner
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
