nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
