He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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