Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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