his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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