you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
