I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
