Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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