I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
