Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
