Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
