we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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