yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
