Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
