at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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