I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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