Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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