There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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