I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
