Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
