last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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