dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
