u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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