It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
