420 ftw
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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