I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
