you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
