I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
