He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My cat gives me a boner
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
