I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
