Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
