Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
